“A few of my friends asked to bring their children to our 5pm wedding and though I wasn’t totally thrilled with the idea, I agreed. At first it was pretty cute, but as the night wore on, the kids turned into nightmares and their parents seemed not to care. It bothered me so much and I felt like it was soooo disrespectful.”

One thing is for sure, you will feel differently about children when you have them, but at this point it is totally understandable that they look like screeching nightmares. If you have quite a few kids coming to the wedding and you know the parents are not the most attentive, you are going to have to make a little extra effort to control the situation. (more…)


August 17, 2010 at 4:28 pm Leave a comment

I didn’t know more than half of the people at my wedding….

“My husband comes from a culture where everyone you have ever met is invited to the wedding. I come from a small family who lived thousands of miles away from where we were getting married in his hometown. I had 575 people at the wedding and I think I only knew about 75 of them. It was kind of awful and looking back I wouldn’t have agreed to it.”

It is a wedding. Not a political fundraiser.

Unless you want to spend the whole night doing a rope-line meet and greet that is reminiscent of a political rally where you are just kissing babies and waving, you really should stop to consider how many of the people at your wedding are going to be total strangers and how that is going to bother you. This bride says that to this day she will meet people who tell her that they were at her wedding, and she has never met them before in her life.

So how do you decide? (more…)

August 11, 2010 at 4:16 pm Leave a comment

I forgot how delicate other people’s relationships actually are…

“I adopted a ‘no ring, no bring’ policy at my wedding which resulted in a ‘no longer friends’ policy in response. I was adamant that single people come alone and felt sure I could match them with other singles at the wedding. I didn’t really take into account that there were many more single women than men and that many people really weren’t looking to be matched at the wedding at all. It was a huge mistake that cost me quite a few friends and even an invitation to a wedding of one of the couples who got engaged shortly after my wedding.”

There are times in the wedding planning process where you have to step away from the calculator and forget about how much things are costing you and remember that you are actually trying to create an evening that BOTH you and your guests will enjoy. To me, the whole ‘no ring, no bring’ policy is absurd. It’s like having a dinner party where you invite only one member of the couple and tell the other one to stay at home because you don’t want to fork out the extra money for his/her meal. (more…)

August 11, 2010 at 4:14 pm Leave a comment

My Groom wanted to do something for himself….

People always say that the groom sometimes gets lost in the preparations, and mine did feel lost. He decided he wanted to get his first straight edge shave on the day of the wedding and I totally thought that was a great idea. We found a woman to come to the hotel and it was awful. Something about either the razor or the soap made my husband totally break out in a rash. He looked like a 13 year old with acne in all of our pictures!

There should be no “firsts” on the day of the wedding [except, perhaps, first time getting married or first dance]. First time having your make-up done, first time trying on your wedding dress after alterations, first time wearing your wedding shoes…..all of these things should happen BEFORE the wedding and not the day of. If there is something special your groom wants to do on the day of, we get it, just make sure he has a trial run. Trust us, the potential for something going wrong totally outweighs the satisfaction he will get from whatever it is he is going to do.

August 11, 2010 at 4:10 pm Leave a comment

Looking back, I was way too selfish planning our wedding.

“When it came time to plan my wedding I wanted everything a certain way and I wasn’t at all concerned about the guests at the party. My husband kept pointing things out to me but my attitude was, ‘too bad, they have to deal.’ I insisted on getting married in a church 55 minutes from the reception site because it was more beautiful than the one near our hotel. With rush-hour traffic, it left the guests on a hot bus for over 3 hours. You can imagine how everyone was complaining.”

Just like the rest of your marriage, your wedding day should be a compromise between what you want and what is reasonable. We have had a bunch of emails from brides who look back on decisions they made and are not sure what really got into them. Could be, you have suffered at other people’s weddings and you feel like it is your turn to do it your way – regardless of if they have to suffer or not. Or, you have an image in your mind about what your wedding should be and are just not prepared to give it up. There has to be a midpoint. Our one big suggestion (more…)

August 6, 2010 at 4:59 pm Leave a comment

Another band horror story…

Writers Note: After recieving this email last night, I am inclined to add another entry to band disasters. Though this is unlikely to happen to you, it highlights the need for good communication.

“On the day of the wedding, I asked my wedding band to make mention of my grandmother who had recently passed away. I told them to say something along the lines of, “We would like to dedicate this song to Julie’s grandmother in her memory.” I then asked them to play ‘I will remember you’. Instead, they mis-heard me and called my grandmother up to the stage. As everyone sat there in shocked silence, they went on, shouting ‘Grandma, Grandma, where are you? We have a song for you.’ It was totally awful.”

There really isn’t much more to say about this [refer to yesterday’s post] except that it highlights that the more planning you can get done in advance, the better off you are going to be. Try and leave as few things as possible to the ‘day of the wedding’. For one thing, time passes really quickly on that day and for another, it just opens you up to communication errors like this one. Awful. This story made us feel really badly.

August 5, 2010 at 2:45 pm Leave a comment

The Band chimed in during the speeches!

“When I met the wedding band I ultimately ended up hiring, I loved their sense of humor. They really seemed to take great joy in the wedding process, while at the same time being quite lighthearted about the whole thing. Imagine my horror when during my father-in-law’s speech, they kept rattling the drums and banging on the cymbals when he would make a joke. I know they were trying to be funny, but it was my wedding and not an episode of Letterman!!”

This goes back to our whole thesis about knowing who you hire. This, however, is a typical example of something you can probably not see coming and can not plan ahead for [which is why we are here]. One of the most important contributions a band can make to a wedding is knowing when to stop and what to do during the silent parts of the night. Just as you would not want the hotel quietly pumping in elevator music during the speeches, you do not want to hear the band chiming in either. (more…)

August 4, 2010 at 4:18 pm Leave a comment

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